JANUARY 22, 2026
Today has been alright. Been kinda boring lately, might be falling back into a small depression but i can actually manage it now thankfully. I've been thinking more and more about my past self, every version of her, and oh how she's changed and evolved over time. I used to think that I was unfixable; that I could never be a better person, but now I see just how un true that really was. Now, as I grow and heal, I realize how many people I've hurt, and how wrong I was in times where I thought I was right. I can only hope that the people I've hurt in the past have healed and that they're okay now, or will be okay at least. I worry a lot about people's perceptions of me, which I'm desperately trying to work on. I want to be liked, but it seems like I'm simply unlikable. I look around at other people and see them connecting with others so easily. Yet somehow I'm doing everything wrong. They think I don't know they talk about me and make fun of me. Or maybe they actually don't and I'm in my own mind again. I'm never in reality, always lost in my head. There's never a moment where I'm not in my own head, its every second. My brain tells me things to try to protect me from bad things happening again, but its also preventing me from fully enjoying the good. I guess I just wish people liked me more. I know I make mistakes, we all do, but I just don't understand why I seem to make more of them than others. Maybe I was just doomed from the start, or maybe I need to keep thinking positively, keep being optimistic. If I keep thinking happy thoughts, life will get better. I just wish I had more real friends, not friends who talk behind my back.
Feeling:
Like I'm missing something.
Song of the day:
Ordinaryish people - AJR
